Had the shop foreman ride with me. He said they even put the car on a lift and ran it up to 70mph and couldn't hear a thing. I was pointing it out to him and he just kept tilting his head and saying "That's so strange! I don't hear anything wrong!". The technician who performed the ignition coil recall said he could hear it but he blamed the tires. I changed my tires a year ago and the noise is exactly the same so that's definitely not the problem. I've given up at this point and moved on to just turning on the radio to cover the noise.
I made sure it's logged, just like my airbag light that comes on when it's hot outside, so in the future if things get worse they can't simply deny me once the warranty has expired. Had I known then what I know now I probably would have considered something else like a used Honda. My mom's CR-V is 11 years old and seems to take all kinds of abuse without issues. 🤷